My first relationship was an…interesting one. I got into it being a vanilla virgin and left it with a buttload of BDSM experience. I have a lot of stories from that relationship, but this one is by far the funniest.
A few months into our relationship, my bf (we’ll call him Aaron) told me about some of his kinks. Wanting to seem like the cool girl that was down for anything, I naively said I wanted to try them all out. Things started out simply with some hair pulling, dirty talk, and basic toys, but before I knew it, we had veered into completely new territory.
Aaron had a dom/humiliation fetish, and one particular way he liked to exercise it was with pet play. Initially, he wanted me to act like a dog (i.e. barking, drinking out of a bowl, and walking around his apartment in a leash). The kink itself wasn’t for me, but I really got off on seeing him enjoying it. But soon, Aaron got bored of the dog shtick and wanted to mix it up.
One day, as we’re having sex in his bedroom, Aaron started transitioning to our pet play dynamic. The barking part always made me feel awkward as hell, so I half-heartedly gave a quiet puppy whimper. Normally, he’d playfully order me to be more enthusiastic, but this time he didn’t seem into it.
“Hmm, I’m not really feeling you being a dog today,” he said. “Try something else?”
I giggled, thinking he was joking. I played along and said the first thing that came to mind, “Like what, a cow?”
His eyes lit up, and that’s when I knew I fucked up.
He got super excited and went off about how hot that would be. He started grabbing at my tits, calling them “big udders” that he wanted to milk. I hoped he was memeing, but when he told me to go grab the nipple clamps he’d just bought to use as as my “cow bells,” my stomach dropped.
After putting the nipple clamps on (and trying my best not to burst out laughing), I hopped into cowgirl. He was hard as a rock. I didn’t have the heart to back out, but also didn’t really know how to start. As I began moving again, he moaned and asked me to make noises for him. I laughed nervously, telling him it was really embarrassing, but he deadpan retorted with “That’s the the point.” Then, he rephrased his request into an order.
Red in the face and feeling like a total idiot, I tentatively let out a small, “Moo?”
He suddenly slapped my ass hard and ordered me to say it louder. “Mooo!”
Just then, I heard the front door to his apartment open. Aaron’s roommate (Conner) had come back from class early, and I could hear him moving around in the hallway. The walls were thin and blocked zero sound, so I froze and immediately shut up.
Aaron slapped my ass again. “Say it louder.”
Then, dead silence. The shuffling in the hallway stopped. I knew with 1000% certainty that Conner had heard me. I covered my faced with my hands and wanted to die, but Aaron seemed too into his own headspace to care.
Worst part was that, later in the day, I ran straight into Conner as I was grabbing water from the kitchen. The man refused to look me in the eyes, though he tried his best to be friendly. I just got the hell out as soon as possible.
My friends still get a kick out of this story to this day. I have a lot of cow themed gifts to show for it.